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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29690691">i've got your back (because you've always had mine)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderoses/pseuds/lavenderoses'>lavenderoses</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grey's Anatomy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>And a Hug, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, So does Alex, alex and meredith friendship, meredith needs a break, nothing graphic, other characters are mentioned but not really in it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:14:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,818</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29690691</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderoses/pseuds/lavenderoses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Meredith is having a rough time between losing her job, baby, and husband. Alex comes over and tries to make things right. set after the season 7 finale/early season 8 Rated M for references to self-harm (not really just being safe)</p><p> </p><p>also posted on fanfiction.net under same name</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Meredith Grey &amp; Alex Karev, Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd (Mentioned)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i've got your back (because you've always had mine)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex stared up at the house in front of him. He thought back to when he used to live there, back to when he was still on good terms with his friends. He stared at the door and thought about all the times Meredith had stood up for him, had defended him, and had his back.</p><p>He picked up his phone and called her again, sighing for the hundredth time as he got voicemail once again. Gazing up at the house, he noticed the bathroom light was on. Mustering up enough courage, he finally raises his hand to knock on the door. He paused, waiting to hear footsteps. Hearing nothing, he tried again.</p><p>"Meredith?" He tried the door, finding it locked. Knocking once more, he dug through his pockets in search of the key he was given when he moved in. Finding the key, he was happy he never got around to giving it back as he unlocked the door and stepped in.</p><p>"Meredith? It's Alex." He called out. He tried her phone again and followed the noise to the living room, where it lay discarded on the couch along with her purse and jacket. Picking it up, he walked upstairs where he followed the sound of running water to the bathroom.</p><p>He approached the bathroom door with caution. Taking a few deep breaths to calm down - why was he so nervous? He couldn't quite place it - and clear his head, he raised his fist and knocked on the door gently.</p><p>"Meredith?" Calling out her name softly he listened for a response from the woman he has come to look to as a sister. Hearing nothing but the water, he tried again. He opened the door slightly and called for her once more. Walking into the bathroom, he sees her petite silhouette crouched in the bathtub. Grabbing the towel off of the counter, he called out her name again. Still receiving no response, he reached out and slowly slid open the door.</p><p>On the other side, Meredith sat curled up, knees drawn up to her chest as the water beat down on her. She stared blankly ahead seemingly at nothing as the water cascaded down her body, not even registering Alex's presence. He reached for the tap and shut off the water, flinching as the icy cold drops hit him in the face as he leaned in.</p><p>"Mer?" He waves his hand slightly in front of her face. She continued to stare forward, unblinking. Her face is pale, the area around her eyes and her cheeks slightly red, indicating that she was crying. Alex wraps the fluffy towel around Meredith as he gets in the tub behind her and pulls her into his chest. She sat tense until Alex started whispering to her and rubbing his hands up and down her arms. She feels safe; secure.</p><p>Alex froze for a moment as her breath hitched, then she collapsed back into him and began to sob.</p><p>"Shh, shh, it's okay, you're alright." He said as he shifted slightly to hold her better. He moved so he has one arm around her and one hand free to run up and down her arm to comfort her.</p><p>"It's okay Mer, it's okay," he whispers as he runs his hand soothingly up and down her arm. She continued to sob and tremble in his arms. He held her a little tighter. Her breaths become faster and shallower as she begins to hyperventilate.</p><p>"Meredith you need to breathe in and out okay? Do it with me." He exaggerated a few big, deep breaths for her to copy. They did that until she calmed down a bit, still sobbing but not at risk of passing out anymore.</p><p>"Everything is going to be alright," he murmured. They stay like that, Meredith in Alex's arms as she cries and he whispers reassurances to her, until Meredith's sobs quiet down into the occasional sniffle and she leans into him tiredly. Her eyes slipped shut as he continued to rub up and down her arm. After a few minutes, Alex speaks up.</p><p>"Meredith? Are you ready to get up?" He asks. She shudders as a violent shiver runs through her body, just now realizing how cold she is. Her teeth chattered loudly as she gave a slight nod of her head. Moving to stand up, he squeezed her shoulders before getting up and stepping out of the bathtub. After making no move to get up herself, he puts his hands under her armpits.</p><p>"Is this okay?" Another nod.</p><p>He carefully lifts her up for a moment to sit her on the edge of the bathtub. Placing his hand on her shoulder, he tries to look her in the eyes which remain trained on the bathroom tile. "I'm going to get you some warm clothes to put on, I'll be right back, okay?" he murmured. He sighed in relief at the miniscule nod of her head, though still slightly upset that she wouldn't meet his eyes. He left the door open as he ran across the hallway into Meredith's room. He grabs the first couple articles of clothing he sees - her old Dartmouth shirt and a pair of sweatpants that didn't look like hers - and he runs back to the bathroom, not wanting to leave Meredith alone for longer than necessary.</p><p>Calling her name softly in warning, Alex entered the bathroom to see Meredith right where he left her. Her eyes widened as he entered, as if she weren't expecting him to return. He walked over to Meredith and placed his hand on her knee.</p><p>"Mer, I brought you some clothes to put on, they should keep you warm," he held them out to her, but she continued to keep her eyes on the floor, seemingly oblivious to everything going on around her.</p><p>"Okay, I'll help you. Is that alright?" She made no attempt at giving him an answer, so he started to get the shirt ready. He held the neck hole open over her head and looked for any signs of uneasiness. Seeing none, he gently pulled it over her head and guided her arms through the sleeves. He looks at her face again to see a tear fall from her eyes. He quickly wiped it away then grabbed her feet to put a sock on each. Placing them back down, he lifted the pants up for permission. Meredith snapped out of her trance and became more aware of what was happening and held her hand out for them.</p><p>"Okay, I'll turn around while you put these on." He turned around and moved to the doorway, giving her privacy and him a chance to see if anyone else was home.</p><p>Meredith bent over to place her feet into the sweatpants, her body feeling incredibly stiff. She pulled the towel off her body and dropped it on the floor as she began to stand up and pull up her pants. She succeeded in pulling them up but after hours of misuse her legs immediately crumbled underneath her and she fell back down on the edge of the tub, hissing slightly in pain.</p><p>Alex was back at her side in an instant. "Meredith! Are you alright?" His eyes were wide as he looked for signs of injury. She placed her hand on his arm and nodded. His face relaxed a little as she gave his arm a little squeeze and a grateful look. He took note of her still trembling form and dripping wet hair and reached for the discarded towel.</p><p>"I'm gonna dry your hair a bit, okay? Should help warm you up." Alex stepped into the bathtub and knelt behind her with the towel and began to towel dry her hair. After it was mostly dry and no longer dripping, he grabbed a hair elastic from off of the counter and pulled her hair back. He noticed she was still shivering and frowned. Taking her hand in hers, he gasped at the icy feel.</p><p>"Jesus Mer how long were you in there?" He exclaimed, worried. He rubbed her hand in between his own to try and warm them up as he waited for an answer. "When did you go in?" He asked, softer this time. As he switched to the other hand she finally spoke up.</p><p>"S-six," she mumbled, leaning in towards Alex. He placed a hand on her forehead to check her temperature and frowned at the slight temperature. "I would say you should go lay down, but you need to go eat something first okay? Did you have breakfast?" She shook her head no.</p><p>"Let's get you something to eat," He said tenderly as he stood up. She nodded with a hint of a smile on her face and made to get up, but her legs buckled beneath her.</p><p>"Woah," He quickly caught her and helped her to stand upright. Offering to carry her, Meredith shook her head. After a moment they settle on a compromise, and they turn to leave the room, with Alex' arm wrapped around her waist. Pausing, they stop to grab a blanket from Meredith's room. Wrapping it snugly around her shoulders they made for the stairs. They slowly made it down the stairs and he settled her in one of the barstools at the table. He glanced at the clock on the stove. It read 3:18pm. He came over at noon and he had not realized they had been in there that long.</p><p>Turning towards the fridge, he asks her, "What are you feeling like?"</p><p>She simply shrugs tiredly and nestles deeper into the blanket, almost as if to try and hide. He lets his gaze linger on her for a moment more before pulling some things out of the fridge. He knew she couldn't cook but wanted her to help in some way and thought back to when Denny died. Meredith had made sandwiches and he figured that it wouldn't be too hard on her stomach. He felt dread pool in his stomach as he brought out all the ingredients but couldn't quite place why.</p><p>Noticing Alex pull out the meat, vegetables, and bread and place them on the table, Meredith slid off the stool to grab them each a plate. Alex kept one eye on her as he grabbed the coffee pot from the counter.</p><p>"Thirsty?" He asks as he holds it up. She nods and reaches to grab out two mugs. Sitting back down she passes the cups to Alex as he pours the two of them a drink. He handed it to her and she nodded in thanks and took it in both hands. She raised it to her mouth and took a small sip. Noticing Alex was watching her intently, she took a bigger drink and sighed as the liquid made its way down her throat.</p><p>"Thank you," She whispers and sets her cup down.</p><p>His eyes soften as he smiles at her. "It's my pleasure Mer, it's the least I can do after…" he trailed off.</p><p>Hey eyes softened in understanding as she reached out a hand to grasp his own. "Thank you," She starts, looking him straight in the eyes seeing the guilt in them. "It's not your fault, it's okay." She squeezes his hand.</p><p>"But it is my fault! You wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for me! I-" He cut off looking down towards his lap.</p><p>"Alex, I understand. It's okay. I messed up the trial. I said some pretty awful things to you that night and I-I kicked you out, but I didn't mean it. This isn't anyone's fault but mine." She said, shaking her head.</p><p>"I said awful things too, god awful things Mer. I need you to know I didn't mean it. I didn't mean for things to turn out this way I'm so, so sorry. You've always been there for me; you've always had my back and I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I threw you under the bus and ruined your life and you should yell at me and now I'm rambling and-" she cut him off with a raised hand. Placing both hands on his and giving them a squeeze, she looked him in the eyes.</p><p>"I forgive you."</p><p>"What happened in there? You were in there for about 5 hours before I got there Mer, and then we sat in the bathroom for another 3." He watched as Meredith's eyes widened; she didn't think it was nearly that long.</p><p>"I-I don't know. Derek and I had a fight last night and I got really upset, I guess. I woke up by myself to an empty house and planned on having a shower then going to bed because I'm not working right now," He gave her hands a squeeze.</p><p>"I guess it just all hit me at once. I was fine last night. One minute I was standing in the shower thinking about what happened and the next you were there with me." Her voice slowly grew to a whisper at the end, eyes growing moist.</p><p>"What did he say?"</p><p>"He basically told me I'd be a bad mother. And that he wasn't sure he wanted a family with me." She looked down as tears spilled from her eyes.</p><p>"Are you kidding me? McDreamy's got a McStick up his McAss if you ask me," He started, scoffing slightly. "He's just stressed over the trial and Zola, Mer. He didn't mean it." She kept her gaze lowered.</p><p>He squeezed her hands tightly. "Mer, look at me. You'd be a great mother. You <em>will </em>be a great mother." He said firmly, looking her straight in the eyes. They stared at each other for a moment, relishing in the moment of understanding until they were interrupted by the sound of Meredith's phone ringing. He looked away to glance at it and realized it was none other than Derek Shepherd. Looking back to Meredith he used his other hand to squeeze hers before grabbing the phone.</p><p>"I'll take this, I'll be right back," She nodded as he walked out of the kitchen into the hallway and hit the talk button on the phone. The worried voice of Derek greets him.</p><p>"Meredith are you alright? No one had been able to get a hold of you since this morning we were so worried and-" Alex cuts him off, clearing his throat.</p><p>"Dude, it's not Meredith." He states.</p><p>"Karev, you're with Meredith, right? I tried talking to Cristina and she just glared at me and said she hadn't heard from Mer since early this morning and I got worried because I know she shouldn't be alone right now and I was going to come check on her but I got busy and couldn't face her today. I," Derek's rambling seemed to fade into nothing as his breath hitched. Suddenly the earlier dread in his stomach made sense as he realized how familiar this situation is. He heard the distant clattering of a knife hitting the floor somewhere and called out her name as he spun around on his heel and ran back towards the kitchen. He froze in the doorway of the kitchen when he saw her, his heart pounding.</p><p>"Is everything okay Alex?" The concerned voice of Meredith spoke up as she turned to face him. He stared at her wide-eyed as he did a once over of her and the kitchen frantically. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary - no blood or knife on the floor - he took a deep breath, trying to calm his heart.</p><p>"Alex?" She stood up as he shook his head slightly and brought himself back to reality. He nodded and forced a smile on his face.</p><p>"Everything is alright, I just thought I heard something." Raising an eyebrow, Meredith looked at him unconvinced. "Seriously, everything is okay. I promise." He assured, continuing to stare at Meredith as she sat back down and ignored the worried voice of Derek screeching at him through the phone.</p><p>"If you say so," Humming contentedly, Meredith turned back around to continue her task of slicing the tomato.</p><p>Pulling his phone back up to his ear, he cuts off Derek's worried voice yelling at him to 'pick up the phone right now Karev, I'm coming right now' as he hears movement in the back. "Everything is alright here, I'll call you back. It's alright." as he quietly reassures Derek that everything was fine and hangs up the phone.</p><p>"Who was it?" She asks as she places the sliced tomato on a plate.</p><p>"Just work, it's okay. Nothing too important." He sighed in relief as he watched her continue to prepare the other items for their sandwiches with a content look on her face. He smiled softly at her as she talked to him, a sense of warmth filling his body.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, they could get through this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Parallels anyone?</p><p>Who's excited for the season 17 premiere/crossover episode tonight? I honestly have no idea what to expect but I'm excited. Also I wrote this instead of doing my kinesiology culminating that was due last night so I hope y'all enjoy :) I just wanted some fluffy MerLex content</p><p>So I wrote that ^^ before watching it and I don't want to give spoilers but I'm freaking out so if you've seen it please comment what you thought of it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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